Thursday, January 19, 2012

big day.

[I think I'm going to start blogging again.]

My head is reeling. I spent the day in Citi Soleil (largest slum in Haiti/western hemisphere). I'm ashamed to admit that it is easy for me to become numb to these conditions of extreme poverty. I have been able to see several places around the world that are absolutely shocking compared to our American lives. I've come to Haiti many times and seen this over and over again. But...

Not today.

And I praise God for that. I never want to become numb and/or complacent to dire need and horrific circumstances. God's heart is for these people. I'm not going to forget that. And I will pray that He continues to AWAKEN me over and over again to the harsh reality of life for billions of people around this world.

But, how do I respond to this? What can I do? I know I know...pray, it all begins with just one life, love them, give freely... I have heard it all, even told others, but I'm still asking/screaming inside, WHAT CAN I DO?!? I found myself over and over again praying for the runny nosed, bloated bellies, rattled breathing babies and children I held and encountered all day long. But that was even difficult! What do you even say to God? What do you ask Him for? I don't know. I really don't. Oh, I am happy as a clam sitting in the dirt and playing patty cake with them. Holding babies. Learning creole. Taking tours of houses made of tin [or tarps]. But, why does that make me happy? This life is brutal for thousands in Haiti. It's a fight to survive. Of course I'm happy, I have a home in one of the best countries in the world. My life will never consist of living in an 8 x 8 room with 5 others, holes in the roof (if there even is a roof) and dirt floors. I'll never wake up not knowing what to feed my children [or myself], squat in the middle of the road to use the "bathroom", or walk distances just to have a little water.

I am at a loss. And maybe it's ok to be in this place because it forces me to my knees, pleading for God to use me to change this world. Begging for Him to invade my little life of nothing and make it into something great. For His glory. His people. To fight injustice. To radically love.

I have officially graduated, taken my boards, and as of TODAY passed my boards. So now the daunting question comes...what now? And the answer....I do not know. But today gave me a bit of perspective. Maybe it's what I needed, maybe not. Nonetheless, a day I hope not to soon forget.