Monday, February 22, 2010

dwelling place.

Tonight I am overwhelmed by a couple things...
One, He dwells inside of me.
Two, the Peace that comes with that.

These 2 things are something that I know, that I've learned about all my life, and experienced more than I can count. But, today both of them have hit me and I am reminded again just how much I love Him.

Do I grasp that fact that He dwells inside of me??? I mean thats a big deal. We possess His presence. My body is His temple. I've heard that my whole life. I know it. But to realize what He has entrusted to us. The wonder of this fact is CRAZY to me. Do I take this seriously? We have the flippin Spirit inside of us. He is holy. And so should we be. In Leviticus God says, "Be holy, because I am holy" (11:44 and again in 1 Peter 1:16). I pray that the seriousness of this will continue sinking in, deeper and deeper. "...Christ in you, the hope of glory." (Colossians 1:27).

Today, Tori (one of my fellow OT classmates and close friends) and I spent a few minutes before class praying for our trip to Haiti (YES! WE ARE GOING! Tickets are booked, its really happening...March 13th-20th). As we left the high stress class room to take a walk around campus soaking this trip in prayer, I was overwhelmed with His peace. Being in a classroom environment where I feel like I'm drowning in schoolwork can give me a little bit of anxiety. But to stop. And pray. And realize that He is the only one that matters. An overwhelming sense of PEACE and thankfulness flooded my heart. I KNOW Him and LOVE Him, but what's even better is that He loves me back. I just want people to know that simple but amazing truth. I want people to experience His presence and His peace. He is so good, maybe it sounds cheesy but I just can't help it.

Tuesday, February 16, 2010


I know, I know, I just blogged but 1. I can't sleep and 2. There is so much on my mind.

I probably blog about the past experiences too much but I can't help it. Today, although I was forced to be consumed with school work, the world was in the back of my brain (what's new??). In particular, New Zealand. As another DTS is about the start in the quaint little town of Oxford and the staff (many of which are great friends) are preparing for this new batch of students, I long to be right back there. And of course since I can't be there my thoughts are on the many memories I have there. Almost an exact year has passed since I left. Emrie (one of my closest friends who I had the pleasure of also going on my outreach with) blogged today and she literally put words in my mouth. Today my thoughts are her thoughts so I figured I'd just copy them...

Sometimes the past year of my life seems very surreal. So much happened. I saw so many new things, met so many new people, walked on new turf, found myself in a whole new spirituality, began to live a whole new way. It all took place in the matter of months so I am still, to this day, processing what all went down to get me where I am now.
Depending on the day, I am either flooded with memories of where I have been and what I have done or don’t even consider that it at all happened...
I think it is great to remember. I need to remember who I am, where I have been, who I have met, what I have seen, what God has done for me, DAILY. I have to remember all of this because in forgetting, I lose sight of who God is.
So today I am reminding myself YES I did study the Bible in New Zealand for 3 months, yes I spent one week tramping the South Island on foot with one sandwich, twenty dollars and two others in the name of Jesus and His provision, yes I played with orphaned children in Bali, yes I gave my testimony to a bunch of Taiwanese Senior Citizens, yes I went from door to door in rural Cambodia proclaiming the way of Jesus to Buddhist families, yes I looked prostitutes in the eyes and told them that they are loved by a God so much bigger than all of the mess they are stuck in, yes I got to walk where Jesus walked and see, firsthand, the history of the Bible in Israel. All of that was just the beginning, now I see that. God grabbed my heart and opened my eyes to a new way and I can’t deny it any longer. I have to live every day remembering what he has done for me so that I can continue to walk in that light.

Tonight all of these memories are flooding my head. My heart literally hurts. Will I ever go back to Oxford? Will I get to see my brothers and sisters that I shared so much life with again? It's hard. But like Emrie said, it is SO good to remember. To look back on His faithfulness and all that He taught me. Those 6 months shaped the way I will live for the rest of my life. I don't ever want to forget. Can we just hit the "rewind" button?

Sunday, February 14, 2010

exodus and my pride.

I could write pages on the book of Exodus. I've been reading through it this past week and WOW. Job was a hard one to get through but Exodus is another story. All I can say is I love Moses. I love the way God promises redemption to Israel. I love that I can actually picture these places in my head. I love how God chose Moses to deliver His people. I love Yahweh and all the characteristics of Him. I love that He is the same God who spoke to Moses on that mountain. I love that He does NOT need us yet desires for us to be a part of His mission. I love that his glory and beauty NEVER fade. I love that He has saught after me. That He has adopted me. I love that His plans and purposes are ALWAYS accomplished. That unlike the people of the Old Testament, we see Him and know Him! I love that He enabled His people to escape His wrath by providing a spotless lamb. I love that today the importance of Blood took on a whole new meaning. The blood of a spotless lamb, and later the blood of Christ. The blood of the lamb of God saves the children of God. I love that He is full of GRACE and MERCY and He pours that out to me daily, just because I trust Him. I love Him. What a beautiful picture of redemption Exodus is.

"When you know Yahweh, routine religion is no longer tolerable, casual worship is no longer possible, total surrender is no longer optional, and the global mission is no longer negotiable." -David Platt

On a different note...
I am a prideful person and I'm in the process of being humbled. I must be reminded daily that God is who defines me. He is the ONLY good inside of me. So, here's the deal, I want to be more like Jesus everyday. I want to get a little closer each day to looking and acting like Him. This is a journey. A journey that will take my whole life. A hard journey that I take seriously. I mean, His glory is at stake here. BUT, the problem is that I am sinful. And to be honest, it's hard not to think of myself first. It's hard not to be judgmental. It's hard to solely find my identity in Him. And it's hard not to think that He need's me to accomplish His plan. Lately I'm ashamed of myself and the pride that is in me. If He is living inside of me then these things are not acceptable. And so, He is in the process of breaking me. It's a good thing though. I deeply desire for Him to be all of me. For Him to define me. For the first time in my life I am asking Him to TRULY humble me. Less of me. More of Him. Way more. It's scary because I believe He gladly answers this prayer, but it's what I want and need in order to be more like Him. In Isaiah 66:2, the Lord says, "This is the one I esteem: he who is humble and contrite in spirit, and trembles at my word." I want these characteristics to define me.