Here is my heart:
A couple of days ago I was walking home from town trying to process somethings. I realized that I'm frustrated. I am desperate for more of Him. More of His power. More of His love. I know there is more and I feel like I'm missing it. Everyday I pray that He will give me more love and passion. I feel like I continually reach and reach and there is a wall. I am reminded that I don't need to dig. He will reveal to me what it is that's hindering our relationship. BUT, why hasn't He??? By all means, I KNOW I'm NOT perfect. I know there is crap in my life that needs to go. Am I putting Him in a box? Why am I not experiencing His power? WHAT AM I DOING WRONG?
Then I heard Him. I HEARD Him. And what He said was to REST in Him. That He loves me. That His hands are molding and shaping me everyday. That He is proud of me and I am exactly where He wants. He said to WAIT and REST in Him. I must trust Him in the waiting.
So, I was excited for a few minutes...HE SPOKE and I HEARD! But, then I became frustrated again. I'm tired of waiting! I want more more more. I'm desperate. I know He has to be more powerful.
Yesterday my small group went into Christchurch to meet with a wise woman named Carolyn. She is a woman of God. As she was telling us her story she spoke into my life. She reminded me that waiting is good. Expectantly waiting. I don't want to be lazy. There is a line between waiting and laziness. If I am hungry for Him, that's good! I have to quit chasing and realize that I am His daughter who can rest/lay right in His ams. I need to be content resting there and WAIT with EXPECTANCY.
And, when I think back on these 9 weeks He has shown up! He has taught me MANY things. They may be small but I was reminded that He teaches us little by little. He very rarely gives us something HUGE. He has been working. I am learning and He is teaching. Hallelujah.