I miss YWAM. I miss the people, the leaders, Emrie. I miss New Zealand, the base, Christchuch, friday night outreach. I miss being the only southern one (and getting made fun of for it). I miss how different everyone was. I miss traveling and giving my testimony (who would have thought?!?!) and telling people about this Savior I live for. I miss Cambodia, our contacts there, and my precious little class. I miss seeing new things everyday. I miss corporate prayer and worship and feeling like my life is filled with so much purpose. I miss being challenged spiritually on a daily basis and being made to depend on Him. I miss being poured into and in turn pouring out constantly.
This week I've been thinking a lot about how I can best be used by Him in this city. I'm struggling. I feel as if I'm doing nothing to further His kingdom. My life over the past month has revolved around me, and to be honest, it's disgusting me. I don't want to live selfishly. I desire to love others above myself. Time has been passing me by and I'm sick of letting it pass and not doing anything. God has given me so many ideas. Knowing that I literally don't have enough time for all the ideas He's given me, I've been waiting on Him to speak on what to choose specifically to do. But what I've learned and been reminded of is that I must be the one to make the first step. Too often we wait for the Lord to tell us where to go or what to do when the reality is that He's clearly told us to GO and further His kingdom. I'm not underestimating the importance of waiting on Him. BUT, He is waiting for us to step out, open the first door. He'll guide and direct each step but we must step out knowing and trusting that He will speak to us. I've been asking too long what it is He wants me to do and He's spoken many things so my job now is to step out in boldness.
I'm a little nervous about a couple things He's told me to do but I'm excited too. This week I was able to make some steps of obedience. Be praying for God's provision in it all and that I would learn exactly what it means to walk in His Spirit daily.