balance.

I'm an American Idol fan. Always have been. Maybe its a waste of my time but I can't help it. What I'm getting at here is that last night was their annual "Idol Gives Back" show. They really are doing some great great things. As they showed story after story of injustices all across the world, I was in tears. I know, surprise surprise. But here's the thing... although I was in Haiti a little over a month ago, I feel so far removed from the starving, the orphans, the widows, the brokenhearted, etc. I am finally feeling contentment in where God has me now. Whereas usually I feel like these beautiful people and the numerous amount of need is in the forefront of my brain, the past few weeks I feel like I have removed myself. So, here's where I'm confused. When the need and injustices are the only thing I can think about, I am not HERE. I'm not content. I'm not happy. All I want is to be there. Holding a precious child in my arms. I want to quit school and move immediately.

Where is the balance?

Is there a balance?

I don't want a day to pass where I forget the needs in the world around me. But at the same time, I know I am called here. I am called to be content where He has placed me. And if you have read any of this blog you know that I have battled with that continually.

There is SUCH a fine line between contentment and complacency. I don't want to remove myself. I don't want complacency. I want contentment. I want a heart that beats for the world. I want to be like Jesus.

nothing compares.

yet i am always with you; you hold me by my right hand. you guide me with your counsel, and afterward you will take me into glory. whom have i in heaven but you? And earth has nothing i desire besides you. my flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever. those who are far from you will perish; you destroy all who are unfaithful to you. but as for me, it is good to be near God. i have made the sovereign Lord my refuge; i will tell of all your deeds. psalm 73: 25-28

He is INCOMPARABLE. Truly, nothing compares to Him. To think about some of the best things in life and then realize that these things cannot touch Him really illustrates this point to me.

Lets make a list of really good things...

the beach. standing at the top of a mountain. good friends/community. food (cheese dip). laughter. traveling. good music. springtime. a feathery bed. fireworks. warm chocolate chip cookies. horses. days at the barn. blue skies.

I mean, these things are pretty great, right? But, they don't even come close to the goodness of God. Like, it's not even a competition. Sometimes I forget this. I trade time with Him for pleasurable/wordly things. It makes no sense. He is the sustainer. The creator. He made every good thing. Do I think He would create something that could compare to Him!? His main purpose is HIS GLORY. So, no. He wouldn't.

He has been reminding me of this lately. I long for heaven. I long to worship Him for eternity, with no worries, no interruptions, no tempations, no tears, or heartache. Wow. I reallyyy long for that day. At one point of my life I can remember heaven not being something I wanted. Oh, yes, I was a Christian. But, life just seemed so great, why would I want anything more? But, things have changed. And it's not because my life is hard. Life is good. Really good. It might not be the easiest season but I can't complain. My mindset has shifted. I think more about His kingdom. About heaven. I long for perfection. I am slowly grasping and realizing that as I live out this temporary life, where wordly things seem to bring so much happiness and satisfaction, the truth is...

None of it compares to Jesus.

Nothing at all.

He is superior.

And because of that He deserves our supreme attention.

May we all understand and live as if our God is INCOMPARABLE. Because He is.

spiritually weird...

This may be scattered...

Considering a weird/rough start to last week, it turned out pretty... great. After trying to sort through my thoughts and not really getting anywhere I was left feeling confused Although I don't know if this is possible, let me try to communicate effectively...

Last week I felt spiritually weird. I couldn't put a finger on one thing in particular and I couldn't get any of my thoughts together to know what I was even thinking. I didn't like it because as a result, I felt distant from Him. I am so scared I am going to fall out of love with Him. I am scared I will lose my passion for Him. I am scared of complacency. I am scared of a dry season. I am scared of being lazy. I am hungry to know more of who God is, yet I feel like His voice is getting harder to hear, and the revelations are fewer and farther between. Lately, I feel like God is a bit quieter than He has been is the past season. But, is it me? Have I been too busy? Am I doing something wrong? What is it that is hindering me?

SO many thoughts and questions....again, I can't put a finger on anything specific. But anytime I begin to feel "spiritually weird" I immediately think all of these fears of mine are becoming true. That I am missing something huge. That I am missing out.

After talking to a good friend, she sent me these words of encouragement...

Rest in me. Do not feel you have failed if sometimes I ask you only to rest in my presence. I am with you. Not only at these times, at all times.

I am the heart's great interpreter. Only as I enter, do I reveal mysteries. Each soul is so different-- I alone understand perfectly the language of each.

For me, this was a great reminder that 1) it is OK to rest in Him. it is ok to not constantly be learning new things. and 2) He KNOWS my heart. He understands my heart, even when I don't.

So, Katy, you're going to need to chill out.

As the week progressed, many cool opportunities came up. I felt a sense of purpose. I want to be used here. I want His glory made known in the Birmingham community. This is where He has me. I see the numerous needs here. And I am ready to do something. So, a few highlights of this week are...

Great convo with David (homeless man) on my way to class.

Reminded of opportunites and the need to serve in Uganda using my OT degree.

Excited about upcoming opportunities to build relationships with international students.

Observed at Special Equestrians...what I can see myself doing one day.

Intentional conversations with the local homeless people. Reminded of my love for this group of people. Such amazing stories. Such need. Ah, love them.

Time spent with a couple of my fav friends. Always encouraging. Lots of laugher. Refreshing.

Rode Wicklow for the first time in a month. Beautiful weather and fun to ride as always.

I go to an amazing church. This week: David and Goliath. Beautiful worship. Challenged as always...(more to come on this).

easter.

Being Holy week and what not I have really been trying to feel the "weight" and meaning of this week. As I keep trying to focus on the intensity of Christ's suffering on the cross, I am almost automatically taken to the beauty of Him RISING. My heart is not sad and I don't know if this is a bad thing. Rather, my heart is JOYOUS and THANKFUL for what is to come. I cannot think of His suffering and not jump to the glory of it all. So, this weekend I am done trying to feel "sad." He died for US. He ROSE. Yes, it was a horrible death, the MOST horrible death, but this easter season I am unable to think of His death and simply overlook the LIFE that comes with it.

Reading through the Old Testament has given me even more of an appreciation of easter this year. The long, awaited years for a Savior that these people had to endure, has made me so thankful to have direct assess to Jesus. I mean can you imagine? All the laws and the sacrifices.... Praise God that Jesus came. Overwhelmed, thankful, joyful, and free are what I am feeling as a result of His cruxifiction. I wish everyone knew the meaning of the cross...

p.s. Spring is the best. Ever.

p.s.s. The picture is cheesy but I couldn't resist.