Sunday, April 11, 2010

spiritually weird...

This may be scattered...

Considering a weird/rough start to last week, it turned out pretty... great. After trying to sort through my thoughts and not really getting anywhere I was left feeling confused Although I don't know if this is possible, let me try to communicate effectively...
Last week I felt spiritually weird. I couldn't put a finger on one thing in particular and I couldn't get any of my thoughts together to know what I was even thinking. I didn't like it because as a result, I felt distant from Him. I am so scared I am going to fall out of love with Him. I am scared I will lose my passion for Him. I am scared of complacency. I am scared of a dry season. I am scared of being lazy. I am hungry to know more of who God is, yet I feel like His voice is getting harder to hear, and the revelations are fewer and farther between. Lately, I feel like God is a bit quieter than He has been is the past season. But, is it me? Have I been too busy? Am I doing something wrong? What is it that is hindering me?
SO many thoughts and questions....again, I can't put a finger on anything specific. But anytime I begin to feel "spiritually weird" I immediately think all of these fears of mine are becoming true. That I am missing something huge. That I am missing out.
After talking to a good friend, she sent me these words of encouragement...

Rest in me. Do not feel you have failed if sometimes I ask you only to rest in my presence. I am with you. Not only at these times, at all times.
I am the heart's great interpreter. Only as I enter, do I reveal mysteries. Each soul is so different-- I alone understand perfectly the language of each.

For me, this was a great reminder that 1) it is OK to rest in Him. it is ok to not constantly be learning new things. and 2) He KNOWS my heart. He understands my heart, even when I don't.
So, Katy, you're going to need to chill out.

As the week progressed, many cool opportunities came up. I felt a sense of purpose. I want to be used here. I want His glory made known in the Birmingham community. This is where He has me. I see the numerous needs here. And I am ready to do something. So, a few highlights of this week are...

Great convo with David (homeless man) on my way to class.

Reminded of opportunites and the need to serve in Uganda using my OT degree.

Excited about upcoming opportunities to build relationships with international students.

Observed at Special Equestrians...what I can see myself doing one day.

Intentional conversations with the local homeless people. Reminded of my love for this group of people. Such amazing stories. Such need. Ah, love them.

Time spent with a couple of my fav friends. Always encouraging. Lots of laugher. Refreshing.

Rode Wicklow for the first time in a month. Beautiful weather and fun to ride as always.

I go to an amazing church. This week: David and Goliath. Beautiful worship. Challenged as always...(more to come on this).

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