Ezra

I have FINALLY made it to the new testament. Let me just say, it is good to be here.

But, before leaving the old testament I want to share something that's been on my mind pretty constantly since reading the book of Ezra. In chapters 9-10, I am challenged by the way Ezra reacts to sin. The people of Israel have [surprise, surprise] committed sins by being highly unfaithful. When Ezra hears this, he is devastated, appalled... (9:3-6). Ezra trembled at the word of God. Because of his distraught over the sin these people have committed, he falls on his knees with hands raised, and prays. And in case we didn't catch his reaction the first time Ezra 10:1 tells us again. Ezra was...

Confessing.
Weeping.
Throwing himself down before the house of God.
Praying.

Wow. This has really challenged me lately. As I've recognized sin this week, I can't help but think of Ezra. Shouldn't my reaction be like his? Shouldn't I take sin as seriously as he did? And, in all honesty, my reaction to sin doesn't come close to Ezra's. And I want it to. It should. I want the act of sinning to drive me to my knees! I want to tremble at the word of God. I want to feel the seriousness of not only my sin, but others sin. So much that it forces me face down, and literally crying out to the only righteous being on behalf of brothers, sisters, friends, and even strangers.

Then, to add to the coolness of this passage, a crowd of Israelites join Ezra ("...they too wept bitterly.") Ok, lets talk about this...This is community. People joining people. Praying. Broken for brothers and sisters. AND...what a cool illustration of the way people influence each other. We do what we see others do. When I act [in a way that reflects Christ], I pray that it drives others to do the same.

Oh, Ezra. You have challenged me and given me new perspectives. Now, may I figure out how to make this real life, not just something that happened in the old testament.

inadequacy.

Rehab/occupational therapy in Haiti...
I don't really know what my thoughts are. This past trip was very unique. We were able to meet with many organizations to get a glimpse of what rehab would look like in a country such as Haiti.
[If you don't know let me catch you up...I'm in graduate school for occupational therapy. I'm not a school person but I know that His way is better. My hopes/dreams involve using these skills to serve people in what will likely be an underdeveloped country. I don't know His exact plan but for now this is the direction I'm heading.]

Ok. Let me first say how obvious God's sovereignty was on this trip. Tickets were booked 3 days before our departure. Needless to say, there were no plans but within a couple of days (and throughout the week we were there) our time was filled with opportunities to meet and see organizations involved with some sort of rehab. We visited 2 hospitals (Hospital Sainte Croix and Hospital Albert Schweitzer), Mission of Hope, Wings of Hope (a home for abandoned, disabled children), Healing Hands for Haiti, and Haiti Medical Missions of Memphis. All of these are great organizations doing great things for the people of Haiti and are running purely from donations. Check out the links if you want to know more.

So, did I get a good picture of what OT might look like down there? Yes. For sure. I feel like this trip was absolutely needed and the first step to anything else. Do I feel like I could do it? Um, lets just say I'm a little ball of doubt. I don't feel like I'll ever have the skills needed to offer the people of a country in SO much need. Everyone we talked to was so creative and so good at what they do. Will the skills I'm learning in school (which is predominately focused on settings in America) transfer to a country/setting like Haiti? Am I creative enough? Not to mention that I would never solely be an OT down there, I'd also be the nurse, the PT, the social worker, the speech pathologist, etc. AH! SO overwhelming.
BUT...
I cannot doubt. Who am I to question the abilty God places in me? Who am I to question His power? When I doubt, I'm blatantly telling God that I don't trust Him. And, I do. I have seen His hand work in areas of my life that I KNOW I couldn't have done alone. I am always reminded of Moses. How inadequate/doubtful/fearful he felt when God called him to set the people of Egypt free. A whole country was placed in Moses hands! And the part that really hits home for me is Exodus 4:10-17. I swear, me and Moses, we are the same person here. I'm not going to go into it, but I know that if God can use an ordinary, insecure man to save a nation, then He can also use an ordinary, insecure girl to help a nation.

Excuse my language, but my future scares the hell out of me. But, I've told Him I will obey. I want to obey. And when He calls me to something that I feel way to inadequate for, it doesn't matter if it scares the hell out of me, I will do it. Because His ways are better. His power is great. And hell, I'm not the one who does anything good anyway. It's Him in me. Whew, thats a weight off my shoulders!

beauty.

There is too much to say about recent adventures and lessons so be on the lookout for a blog-a-thon this week (aka...lots of blogs).

I just returned from Haiti for a 3rd time in the last 6 months. I know, crazy. This trip was slightly different than the other two. This time Tori and I talked to our professors about skipping out on a couple days of class, bought our tickets 3 days before we left, and headed down with a very tentative plan to see what rehab/OT might look like in a country such as Haiti [there will be more about this sometime this week].

On Friday Tori, Nathan, Bmb and Jwat (2 Haitian friends), and I set out on a road trip to visit a hospital located about 3 hours away. Road trips in tap taps are quite different. See the picture of the tap tap below and imagine basically the bumpiest, dustiest most chaotic road you could ever think of (then multiply by 10). Pretty awesome. What I didn't realize was how BEAUTIFUL the country of Haiti is. I mean, really? Wow. Words cannot do justice what my eyes and brain took in while hanging off the back of that tap tap. But this is my attempt to put my thoughts on a page. Here goes...

There is something about seeing and experiencing beauty/creation like I saw that day. It's a feeling of complete awe. It's like time is frozen but at the same time going by too fast to wrap my head around what I'm seeing. I try to hold onto to these moments. I desperately cling to them. But time just keeps ticking away. Scenes of beauty keep going. Too fast. And it's too much to comprehend.

But beauty like that fills my heart with pure and unspeakable joy. I feel like my whole body is happy (weird, I know). And I feel so much peace. Maybe this is just a small glimpse/taste of heaven will be like. My Maker and the Creator of the universe is unbelievable (but SO real at the same time). Why can't days like this linger? Why can't all of life be that beautiful?
But, I was reminded of how much we cling to beauty [and He is beauty. The exact definition of beauty]. And how the works of His hands bring joy, peace, and fulfillment like nothing else. Nothing compares. Humanity longs for something beautiful. Something that brings joy, peace, and fulfillment. And that comes ONLY from God.

Beauty like that is contagious. For example, traveling/seeing the world never fails to fill me with joy. Once I see the beauty of cultures, people, and places, I always want more. And, it's the same with God. When I experience Him and His perfection (that I'm so far from), I long for more of Him in me. What a cool parallel [the Creator and the creation] that I guess are more or less the same thing. One so clearly points to the other. Creation pointed me to my Creator.

I pray for more days where His beauty is so clearly portrayed to me. I want to see this beauty all over the world. I want more adventures like this one. But, I also pray that the glimpse of perfection, joy, fulfillment, peace, and beauty is NOT just a glimpse, only to be seen on adventures in other countries. I want this beauty to be a reality in my everyday life in Birmingham, Alabama. Because He is everywhere. And therefore, every moment should be beautiful. I want to see that. And believe it. Really believe it. Not only do I want to see this beauty, I want reflect this beauty. He is in me and because of that I am able to show people joy, fulfillment, peace, and beauty. And I desperately want to contribute to His beauty (aka GLORY) being made known here.