inadequacy.

Rehab/occupational therapy in Haiti...
I don't really know what my thoughts are. This past trip was very unique. We were able to meet with many organizations to get a glimpse of what rehab would look like in a country such as Haiti.
[If you don't know let me catch you up...I'm in graduate school for occupational therapy. I'm not a school person but I know that His way is better. My hopes/dreams involve using these skills to serve people in what will likely be an underdeveloped country. I don't know His exact plan but for now this is the direction I'm heading.]

Ok. Let me first say how obvious God's sovereignty was on this trip. Tickets were booked 3 days before our departure. Needless to say, there were no plans but within a couple of days (and throughout the week we were there) our time was filled with opportunities to meet and see organizations involved with some sort of rehab. We visited 2 hospitals (Hospital Sainte Croix and Hospital Albert Schweitzer), Mission of Hope, Wings of Hope (a home for abandoned, disabled children), Healing Hands for Haiti, and Haiti Medical Missions of Memphis. All of these are great organizations doing great things for the people of Haiti and are running purely from donations. Check out the links if you want to know more.

So, did I get a good picture of what OT might look like down there? Yes. For sure. I feel like this trip was absolutely needed and the first step to anything else. Do I feel like I could do it? Um, lets just say I'm a little ball of doubt. I don't feel like I'll ever have the skills needed to offer the people of a country in SO much need. Everyone we talked to was so creative and so good at what they do. Will the skills I'm learning in school (which is predominately focused on settings in America) transfer to a country/setting like Haiti? Am I creative enough? Not to mention that I would never solely be an OT down there, I'd also be the nurse, the PT, the social worker, the speech pathologist, etc. AH! SO overwhelming.
BUT...
I cannot doubt. Who am I to question the abilty God places in me? Who am I to question His power? When I doubt, I'm blatantly telling God that I don't trust Him. And, I do. I have seen His hand work in areas of my life that I KNOW I couldn't have done alone. I am always reminded of Moses. How inadequate/doubtful/fearful he felt when God called him to set the people of Egypt free. A whole country was placed in Moses hands! And the part that really hits home for me is Exodus 4:10-17. I swear, me and Moses, we are the same person here. I'm not going to go into it, but I know that if God can use an ordinary, insecure man to save a nation, then He can also use an ordinary, insecure girl to help a nation.

Excuse my language, but my future scares the hell out of me. But, I've told Him I will obey. I want to obey. And when He calls me to something that I feel way to inadequate for, it doesn't matter if it scares the hell out of me, I will do it. Because His ways are better. His power is great. And hell, I'm not the one who does anything good anyway. It's Him in me. Whew, thats a weight off my shoulders!