Sunday, November 15, 2009

life, weddings, and holy anguish.

A few thoughts...


The other day, I was asked the question...

Where would you be if you weren't in Birmingham getting your masters?

And although I have been struggling with wanting to be anywhere in the world but here, I didn't have an answer. Crazy that after continually trying to convince myself that I am supposed to be somewhere else I've never really thought about where EXACTLY I would be. Which is the Lord confirming yet again that I am EXACTLY where He has me.

After 3 months I'm finally feeling a little more settled. Over the course of these 3 months I have felt as if I've been home FOREVER and then at other times I feel like it has FLOWN by. It is a little hard to believe that if i make it through these next few weeks, I will have completed my first semester of OT school. And only by His grace and strength have I. It's also hard to believe that He has increased my love for people and the world even more. Was that possible? I guess so. My heart aches for the world.


One of my best friends just got married. She was the first out of a group of 6 best friends. This time last year Jamie and Nick had not even met. Now, they are in Mexico on the their honeymoon. They met over Christmas on a cruise and I guess you could say it was 'love at first sight.' Three months later they were engaged. Jamie's life is as close to fairy tale that I've seen and it is so fun to watch the Lord continually bless her for her faithfulness and love for Him. She is SO happy and was literally the most beautiful bride I've ever seen. I'm so happy for both of them. And as always weddings get me thinking....one day it will be my turn...


Holy anguish...

I've been thinking about these 2 words for a week or so...

Here we are, KNOWING Jesus. I mean like really knowing Him, have a relationship with Him, growing in Him, loving Him, and trusting Him. We know that we have a treasure that not everyone has. And we know that people that do not know Him will (not to be harsh) go to hell as we go on to eternal life in heaven.

Hell...

I think I've never really given this place too much thought. And what I'm realizing is that I don't want to. I've heard that it is a place of fire and evil. It's where the "bad people" go. Where the murderers and thieves go. The rapists and abusers go. In scripture it talks about it as a place of torture, pain, and suffering for eternity.

Although I believe that hell exists and people do go there, it's very hard for me to believe that God actually allows that. But, He is a God to be feared. I think we don't want to think about this place because maybe we have lost loved ones or know people that weren't necessarily 'Christians.' There are so many 'good' people that don't believe in Jesus and they will go on to be tortured for eternity?! Really?! Yes. He is the WAY. The only way.

SO...

Knowing this. Knowing that Hell is real. Knowing that none of us want to go there. Knowing that by not believing or having a relationship with our Creator, we will go.

Knowing these things, the question is....

ARE WE LIVING THAT WAY?

Are we living in holy anguish? Are we telling people about Him? Or are we being selfish with this gift of salvation that can be offered to EVERYONE?

I don't know about ya'll but I cannot live my life and be ok with the fact that so many people will go on to be tortured for ETERNITY as I dance on the streets of gold. That just doesn't seem fair. There is an urgency. I don't know about you but I don't want anyone to suffer for eternity. I'm trying to live this out. This urgency. This holy anguish....

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