Monday, November 2, 2009

send me!

All I can think about is the world. I want to go. Now.
Some recent questions...
Is this where You really want me?
Am I wasting my time?
My money?
Will I really use OT?
Are you sure God?
Are you sure?

I don't know what the answer is. I do know that I have never in my life felt such a longing to GO. Missionary? I don't know. I've avoided that word being my profession for a while. But I cannot get away from the fact that I love missions. I love the world. I love people. I love cultures. And most of all, I love God. I cannot stop 'yelling' the words I WANT TO GO! as I talk to Him.

Somedays I think I'm so ordinary, so normal, like I haven't changed. I love walking my dog through the neighborhood, I love being consumed with horses and riding, I love my feathery/girly bed. But then I see how unordinary I am. How I have changed. How my eyes fill with tears at the sight of a homeless person. How my heart beats faster when I see/hear stories of the way He has changed lives. How I long to soak in His presence. The nations are constantly on my mind. I am burdened for the world. I desire to be doing work for His kingdom.

And again these words convict me....Be content where you are.
This is a constant theme. Why can I not learn this?
Birmingham is where I am. An OT student is what I am doing. Is this where I'm supposed to be? I don't know. I think I don't want it to be where I'm supposed to be (does that make sense?). I'm going to keep seeking Him, keep stepping forward, hoping that He will speak and guide me clearly. Right now, as my heart cries out 'I WANT TO GO,' I must learn contentment. This phase of graduate school is going to be a long one if I cannot grasp this concept.
"The Nations whisper my name with a familiarity and I will return to them in time."

This is what I miss. Where I long to return one day...

1 comment:

  1. ms. katy, your heart is gold. and your words brought tears to my eyes. you are changed, my friend, and it's beautiful to behold. keep seeking, questioning, loving and WRITING.
    miss you. xoxo