haiti day 1

Some scattered thoughts...

Day 1 in Haiti has been so great. I love it here. HOM (Haiti Outreach Mission) is great. Two guys right around our age are the ones leading us this week. We're pretty excited for new friends. We are staying in a compound and to be honest, it's pretty dang nice (for a 3rd world country of course). The compound serves as a school and a church. School hasn't been in session since the earthquake (government decree). The 2 dinners, cooked by a local Haitian have been SO good. Just finished a healthy portion of goat... We eat on the rooftop. Sunsets are awesome. I will say it's extremely HOT.

Today began with church at 6 AM. Three hours of LEGIT worship. Worship here is a constant thing. From the moment we have arrived we have been surrounded with constant singing, rejoicing, and worshiping. It is BEAUTIFUL. They are happy. They are JOYFUL. They are filled with hope. They are passionate. It seems to be a major misunderstanding that this country is filled with darkness and voodoo. I know we haven't been here long and we haven't seen a lot but from what I gain this place has HOPE. There is a sense of longing for the Lord. I love the culture.

This week will be tiring. From one afternoon of constant work (sanding and painting) we're all pretty exhausted. But I love it and we are happy to do it. We're all still feeling very expectant. I love this lifestyle. I love third world countries. The community here is really cool as well. They are several other small teams doing either medical missions or construction. All different ages. We eat meals together and have devotion together. Cool to be around people from all over, all different ages, and different life experiences. To sit around and here stories from WISE people is cool.

I'll stop now. There is obviously internet connection so I will try and blog some more this week. Prayers are appreciated. And for anyone wondering.... we all feel very safe here.

come Lord Jesus...

The 5 of us are in Atlanta. This is crazy. I mean God is seriously about to rock this. The moment we all arrived tonight I could feel the Holy Spirit. He has appointed us, called us by name. There are only 5. But, this is right. It feels complete. We were able to spend a couple hours hearing from God together. And no words can explain the excitement that is within us. The EXPECTANCY is great. We are expecting big things, but NOT for our glory. We know and believe that His power is real and with this attitude we are going down there. There is NOTHING I can do. But HE who is in me will do it ALL. We are His vessels. His hands and feet. I can feel the desparity in the 5 of us. Hunger. Deep hunger. For HIS will only. His glory only. His face ONLY. I am consumed and I want to be more consumed.

As we go to Haiti we all feel like we will be in the midst of spiritual warfare. Darkness. We will hit a rough place. But He is greater. He is light. We feel like the Holy Spirit is about to do something huge. Miracles. Healings. Dreams. Visions. We don't know. But, God is going to "pour out His Spirit" (Acts 2:17). Please be praying for us. For complete dependency on Him. For safety. For guidance. For more love. More wisdom. For HIS GLORY TO BE MADE KNOWN.

Brandy may have done a better job at capturing this beautiful night... http://branbren.blogspot.com/

me?

Today I could cry. Not because of anything bad though. But because I am overwhelmed by the fact that He chooses ME. ME?! I am nothing. Yet, only because I have said "yes," He allows me to be part of something GREAT. His plan. His glory. I am humbled. I am in awe. I am in love.

I wish I had time to write more, but I am slightly stressed with school. Leaving for Haiti early Saturday morning. Expectant. Ready. Willing. Those 3 words will describe how I am feeling. Please be praying for preparations. Preparations of hearts, details, etc. Trusting Him in it all. Gah, I am honored He chooses me.

dwelling place.

Tonight I am overwhelmed by a couple things...

One, He dwells inside of me.

Two, the Peace that comes with that.

These 2 things are something that I know, that I've learned about all my life, and experienced more than I can count. But, today both of them have hit me and I am reminded again just how much I love Him.

Do I grasp that fact that He dwells inside of me??? I mean thats a big deal. We possess His presence. My body is His temple. I've heard that my whole life. I know it. But to realize what He has entrusted to us. The wonder of this fact is CRAZY to me. Do I take this seriously? We have the flippin Spirit inside of us. He is holy. And so should we be. In Leviticus God says, "Be holy, because I am holy" (11:44 and again in 1 Peter 1:16). I pray that the seriousness of this will continue sinking in, deeper and deeper. "...Christ in you, the hope of glory." (Colossians 1:27).

Today, Tori (one of my fellow OT classmates and close friends) and I spent a few minutes before class praying for our trip to Haiti (YES! WE ARE GOING! Tickets are booked, its really happening...March 13th-20th). As we left the high stress class room to take a walk around campus soaking this trip in prayer, I was overwhelmed with His peace. Being in a classroom environment where I feel like I'm drowning in schoolwork can give me a little bit of anxiety. But to stop. And pray. And realize that He is the only one that matters. An overwhelming sense of PEACE and thankfulness flooded my heart. I KNOW Him and LOVE Him, but what's even better is that He loves me back. I just want people to know that simple but amazing truth. I want people to experience His presence and His peace. He is so good, maybe it sounds cheesy but I just can't help it.

remembering

I know, I know, I just blogged but 1. I can't sleep and 2. There is so much on my mind.

I probably blog about the past experiences too much but I can't help it. Today, although I was forced to be consumed with school work, the world was in the back of my brain (what's new??). In particular, New Zealand. As another DTS is about the start in the quaint little town of Oxford and the staff (many of which are great friends) are preparing for this new batch of students, I long to be right back there. And of course since I can't be there my thoughts are on the many memories I have there. Almost an exact year has passed since I left. Emrie (one of my closest friends who I had the pleasure of also going on my outreach with) blogged today and she literally put words in my mouth. Today my thoughts are her thoughts so I figured I'd just copy them...

Sometimes the past year of my life seems very surreal. So much happened. I saw so many new things, met so many new people, walked on new turf, found myself in a whole new spirituality, began to live a whole new way. It all took place in the matter of months so I am still, to this day, processing what all went down to get me where I am now.
Depending on the day, I am either flooded with memories of where I have been and what I have done or don’t even consider that it at all happened...

I think it is great to remember. I need to remember who I am, where I have been, who I have met, what I have seen, what God has done for me, DAILY. I have to remember all of this because in forgetting, I lose sight of who God is.
So today I am reminding myself YES I did study the Bible in New Zealand for 3 months, yes I spent one week tramping the South Island on foot with one sandwich, twenty dollars and two others in the name of Jesus and His provision, yes I played with orphaned children in Bali, yes I gave my testimony to a bunch of Taiwanese Senior Citizens, yes I went from door to door in rural Cambodia proclaiming the way of Jesus to Buddhist families, yes I looked prostitutes in the eyes and told them that they are loved by a God so much bigger than all of the mess they are stuck in, yes I got to walk where Jesus walked and see, firsthand, the history of the Bible in Israel. All of that was just the beginning, now I see that. God grabbed my heart and opened my eyes to a new way and I can’t deny it any longer. I have to live every day remembering what he has done for me so that I can continue to walk in that light.

Tonight all of these memories are flooding my head. My heart literally hurts. Will I ever go back to Oxford? Will I get to see my brothers and sisters that I shared so much life with again? It's hard. But like Emrie said, it is SO good to remember. To look back on His faithfulness and all that He taught me. Those 6 months shaped the way I will live for the rest of my life. I don't ever want to forget. Can we just hit the "rewind" button?

exodus and my pride.

I could write pages on the book of Exodus. I've been reading through it this past week and WOW. Job was a hard one to get through but Exodus is another story. All I can say is I love Moses. I love the way God promises redemption to Israel. I love that I can actually picture these places in my head. I love how God chose Moses to deliver His people. I love Yahweh and all the characteristics of Him. I love that He is the same God who spoke to Moses on that mountain. I love that He does NOT need us yet desires for us to be a part of His mission. I love that his glory and beauty NEVER fade. I love that He has saught after me. That He has adopted me. I love that His plans and purposes are ALWAYS accomplished. That unlike the people of the Old Testament, we see Him and know Him! I love that He enabled His people to escape His wrath by providing a spotless lamb. I love that today the importance of Blood took on a whole new meaning. The blood of a spotless lamb, and later the blood of Christ. The blood of the lamb of God saves the children of God. I love that He is full of GRACE and MERCY and He pours that out to me daily, just because I trust Him. I love Him. What a beautiful picture of redemption Exodus is.

"When you know Yahweh, routine religion is no longer tolerable, casual worship is no longer possible, total surrender is no longer optional, and the global mission is no longer negotiable." -David Platt

On a different note...

I am a prideful person and I'm in the process of being humbled. I must be reminded daily that God is who defines me. He is the ONLY good inside of me. So, here's the deal, I want to be more like Jesus everyday. I want to get a little closer each day to looking and acting like Him. This is a journey. A journey that will take my whole life. A hard journey that I take seriously. I mean, His glory is at stake here. BUT, the problem is that I am sinful. And to be honest, it's hard not to think of myself first. It's hard not to be judgmental. It's hard to solely find my identity in Him. And it's hard not to think that He need's me to accomplish His plan. Lately I'm ashamed of myself and the pride that is in me. If He is living inside of me then these things are not acceptable. And so, He is in the process of breaking me. It's a good thing though. I deeply desire for Him to be all of me. For Him to define me. For the first time in my life I am asking Him to TRULY humble me. Less of me. More of Him. Way more. It's scary because I believe He gladly answers this prayer, but it's what I want and need in order to be more like Him. In Isaiah 66:2, the Lord says, "This is the one I esteem: he who is humble and contrite in spirit, and trembles at my word." I want these characteristics to define me.

Dreaming...

This past week was a great week. Let's just say it was definitely a week of dreams, visions, calling, and destiny. On Monday I recieved an email from someone that has been very influential in my life, especially throughout my middle and high school years, living on the other side of the world. He asked me to be part of a calling God has placed on him and his family. It is in the very beginning phases, but it is beginning to be pursued.

About 8 months ago I was asked the question:

If money was no hindrance and you knew God would say yes, what would be the biggest dream you could possibly think of?

Very fun question.

And I remember not knowing exactly but knowing that my 2 passions are the world/injustice and horses. To be able to SOMEHOW join the 2 together would be the best thing imagineable. Well, over the past year or so my calling to missions has been SO clear. Knowing that one day I will most likely live internationally, I just shove my love for horses to the back of my brain. I know that horses are not the most important thing in this world and I feel as if it would be something I would have to sacrifice. I don't like to think about it but I WILL be obedient to His calling and would not let that hold me back. BUT, at the same time, He made me with this passion. It's something unique that He has placed inside of me. So, to be able to join those 2...um, yes please.

SO, lets just say the dream that I was asked to be a part of this week is EXACTLY what I'm talking about here. The 2 joined together. Fighting injustice in a RADICAL way + horses. REALLY, God?!? I am SO excited to see where this goes. Definitely on my knees...

As the week progressed believe it or not I began wrestling with WHY I'm in grad school again. All I want to do is Isaiah 61. It makes no sense to me that I am sitting in a classroom as children are dying because of a lack of parents to provide for them. Is the world telling me I must have an education to serve well and love well? OR has God placed me here? I don't feel like I need a master's program to teach me how to love and how to be His hands and feet. Isn't Him living inside of me ENOUGH? People are crying out for help. Orphans need homes, shelters, and mothers who will love them and take them in. I need to go NOW. And in this moment of wrestling with Him, this is what He said to me...

'Katy, I am counting on you to help my children that people don't know how to help, the disabled ones, the difficult ones. I am calling you to them. Learn how to do this and on top of My love inside of you, you will also have these skills. Until then, pray. I will be preparing something huge for you my daughter. Trust me. Hold My hand and learn these unique skills for my abandoned children, my children no one knows how to care for. And, as you learn these skills I will be orchestrating the details that so many lives will get to be a part of. For now, fix your gaze on Me. I am the center and through Me alone, you can accomplish great things for my kingdom. Persevere.'

It's been a good week. I'm still dreaming, more than ever. I am excited about how He will use me. I am humbled that He picks me. And I am praying...