Monday, January 18, 2010

Just BE.

Lately, I am realizing a huge way the enemy is trying to make his evil little way into my life. I have had a constant feeling of being overwhelmed. Not with school, not with life, but in my walk with God. Satan is trying to take something that is so good and manipulate it into something bad. It's not an issue with not desiring God, or not desiring time with God. I deeply desire time with Him, and thats where I'm becoming overwhelmed. I get this feeling of failure, because the desires I do have to be with Him are so overwhelming. Does that make sense? There are SO many things I want to do, and not because I feel like I have to, but because I desperately want to love Him the best, serve Him the best, and bring Him glory. But, I think since there is so much, I feel like I can never get it accomplished. And so the days continually go by, and I continually can't do it all. Having assigned daily readings is great, but so time consuming. I want more time in the day to pray. To pray for friends, for specific countries, ministries, and time to hear from Him. I want to journal. I want to listen to podcasts and read books. I want to serve. All of these things are me desperately wanting more of Him, but all of these things are also causing the enemy to get a foothold. Rather than feeling His infinite love and grace enveloping me, I feel like a disappointment, like I have somehow failed in walking out His will. I am remembering that being hungry for more of Him is a good thing, but I can not allow it to make me feel like a failure. Something I remember learning several months ago is, we are not human DO-ings, rather, we are human BE-ings. I must learn to just BE. His love is consistent. He loves me the same no matter what I do, or don't do. He continually pours out His mercy on me. I do not deserve Him. But He has counted me as worthy. I think I need to dwell on that...

1 comment:

  1. I'm trying so hard, to stop trying so hard. Just let You be who You are.

    proud of you for this post. i understand your heart! and more importantly, so does He.