Thursday, July 30, 2009

then and now.

I can't believe it.  We are finished.  We have been on a little island off the coast of Thailand called Koh Samet "debriefing."  Basically we are processing everything that we have seen, learned, and done. I cannot believe everything God has taught me... it's crazy.  We've been filling out worksheets that have helped us process what God has done through us and although it's a little annoying, it's good.  Since I will be jumping right into school and a new city as soon as I arrive home I'm really trying to think this all through now.  I just wanted to share a litte of what I wrote on one of the exercises.  I think this sums up everything I've learned and the ways I've changed over the past 6 months.

I must see the world/be adventurous NOW because it will soon be time to "settle down," get a "real" job and be responsible.  Spending time with Jesus felt more like work.  The desire was missing.  He wasn't my highest priority.  I felt like I could get through the day just fine, on my own, without Him.  Stringing Jesus along with me rather than me following Him.  Never knew much about the power of the Holy Spirit.  Never experienced true "darkness."  Always surrounded by more "light"/Christians.  Not exposed to world religions (i.e. Buddhist, Hinduism, Muslim).  Found a lot of happiness in material items.  Always comfortable.  Felt like I deserved to be comfortable and have rights.  Complacent attitude.  

I am a chosen daughter of God and have the authority and power through Christ.  I know I have a glorious inheritance waiting for me.  Build up treasures in heaven.  I am desperate for more of Him.  I am in love and my deepest desire is to bring Him glory.  I am not satisfied with mediocracy.  I want to be a radical disciple.  I am confident in who I am in Christ.  Bold.  Willing.  Open and surrendered, always.  I must deny myself DAILY, lay down my rights DAILY.  I know the importance of listening to Him and I can hear His voice.  I understand the importance/power of prayer and intercession.  I am ordinary, just like Moses, but He wants to use me to accomplish great things.  I have seen more of the world and experienced cultures and people.  I've seen my huge family of brothers and sisters at work all over the world.  Seeing the church alive in remote villages.  I've been exposed to darkness.  Discpleship.  Waiting and trusting.  Contentment.  Inspired.  Overwhelmed.  My heart has been BROKEN for God's people.  I see the urgency.  I see that the harvest is ripe but the workers are few.  I have felt God's jealousy for His people.  I have seen how the enemy is at work.  The world is at my fingertips.  I am dreaming big.  Solid and grounded.  I am afraid of complacency and want to avoid it at all costs.  I will not fall into the world's expectations.  I know what it is to be filled with the Spirit and to walk in that.  Communing.  I know what it is to be completely dependent on my Father.  I know that to be a disciple may mean suffering and always means persevering.  I am weak, He is the only way I can do anything.  His power is made perfect through my weakness.  Fight.  Discipline.  

Wow, I could go on and on.  I never want to lose this.  Ever.  
We head to Jerusalem tomorrow.  Reuniting with the rest of the team.  Pray for safe travels. 

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