more power.

Anxiety, doubt, and discontentment are the words that defined my feelings last week. But after a weekend with some of my favorite YWAMer's in Grand Rapids, MI, I am feeling much more peace. As much as I don't want to admit this, as much as I fight this... God has called me here. I think it's good to question and feel "uncomfortable." It's good to "check" myself. To make sure I am in His will and being obedient to Him. At the same time I have to be careful in not fully trusting Him. There is a fine line between the two. Doubt and anxiety are implications of distrust. Gosh, I can't even count how many times He has proved to me that He is trustworthy. I can trust Him with my WHOLE heart. But how many times do I doubt Him? SO, all of this to say I am continuing to trust His plan for me. I know that if this isn't where He wants me another opportunity would arise. Oh how I wish that opportunity would come but until then, I am here, doing the best I can in school, pushing through. I am just happy to have a little bit of peace back in my life...

Moving on...

Ephesians 3:16-19 says...

"I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you WITH POWER through his SPIRIT in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have POWER, together with all the saints to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpassed knowledge--that you may be FILLED to the measure of ALL THE FULLNESS OF GOD...

NOW TO HIM WHO IS ABLE TO DO IMMEASURABLY MORE THAT ALL WE CAN ASK OR IMAGINE, ACCORDING TO HIS POWER THAT IS AT WORK WITHIN US..."

I cannot count the number of times I have read these verses over the course of my life. But for some reason, I have been clearly directed to these few verses for the past few weeks. Yeah, these are some GOOD verses, but they've never really clicked until recently. Let me share...

This past year I have fallen in love with Jesus all over again. I am in love with Him. And to me, that's the most important thing. Everything else stems from loving Him. But recently what I have been desperate for is His power. And I have almost gotten frusrated in thinking that I haven't seen it. If He's so powerful I want to see miracles! I want people to be healed! But He has gently reminded me that I HAVE experienced His power. His power is EVERYWHERE. It can be SO easily overlooked. Who am I to doubt His power when I have seen it SO many times? Here are a few illustrations of His power that He has allowed me to see with my own eyes:

Leading 5 people to salvation last week in Haiti. A person turning to Christ is a MIRACLE.

Having joy after everything around you has crumbled from an earthquake.

Sharing the gospel with beautiful Cambodians that had never heard the name of Jesus.

Thai girls breaking free from a life of prostitution.

The gorgeous landscape of New Zealand.

The healing of one of best friend's heart.

Hope of the children/orphans living in Bethany Village.

Breaking the cylce of poverty in Indonesian children.

I could go on and on but these are BEAUTIFUL pictures of power.

Yes, I want to see MORE. And as I seek and ask for more of this I hope I do not come across as greedy or don't doubt or overlook the power He has already shown me. I want Him to use me more powerfully. I want His power. I want to know Him in new ways. And as Ephesians says, with this power I will be able to grasp Him and His love in greater ways. I want to know Him more deeply. I want to be completely filled with Him. I am reminded in verse 20 that He is able to do way more than I can even fathom. I can't even imagine what He is going to do. He will make Himself more famous, through me. He will get the glory He deserves, through me. In believing all of these things my prayer is this...

Lord, REIGN in my life. Reign in this world. Control every inch of me. Consume every once of me. Show me your power in new ways. More love. More power. More of You in my life. Amen.

good week.

One more post on Haiti...

Haiti is filled with hope and joy. It may be the the poorest country I have seen, but JESUS IS THERE. Don't get me wrong, the need is TREMENDOUS. The country is literally in rubble. They need us. They need hands, they need love, they need to know that we have not forgotten them. To speak of the earthquake as being a "blessing" blows my mind. I will never forget walking into the church Sunday morning to thousands of Haitian's crying out to and praising God. They love their Savior. They are thankful for life. They are desperate for God. Where is that desperation among the American church? Isn't it funny how I can be jealous of the life of a person living in a third world country? They come to know Him in such a different way than us (westerners). I want to literally depend on Him for EVERY need. I want to be forced to cling to God. Sometimes I really think I can do it on my own. And in countries like Haiti, God is all they have to cling to. I know its hard. To feel helpless but to see how God provides for His children is worth it. I want to know Him like the Haitians know Him.

Below are a few of my favorite pictures from the week. Enjoy.

take me back.

I am going to attempt to put words on the week and how I am feeling now although I'm pretty sure its impossible. Where do I begin?

I think everyone knows that I LOVED HAITI. I am being serious when I say I could live there. I mean who knows? But, I am willing.

What did God teach me in Haiti? Well, all week I was trying to figure this out and the conclusion I came to was that this week was a picture of what we are called to on a day to day basis. Life was just lived. The way we are called to live. Does that make sense?

Serving.

Loving the poor, the weak, the orphans, etc.

Living in community.

Asking the Spirit to guide us.

Praying for others.

Sharing life.

Being exhausted at the end of the day from pouring out everything.

Being willing.

Filled with a constant joy.

Laughing.

Being uncomfortable.

To me all these are what life is about. It's the gospel. And this is what brings me the most happiness. This is when I see purpose and feel purposeful. I think this is where I bring Him the most glory. The glory He deserves. This is where I feel His presence the most. This is what I want my life to look like on a daily basis.

And surprise surprise, I am struggling with the idea of school again. How can I sit in a classroom? I am frustrated. Finally after 8 months of freaking out on almost a daily basis I had reached a point of being OK with where I am in life. But then He sent me to Haiti. Knowing my heart. Knowing how I would feel when I returned. And I am starting all over again. Does He want me to be content in Birmingham? I know that following Him is costly. Sometimes we must suffer for Christ and following Him does not entail being "comfortable." And although I am not physically uncomfortable in Birmingham (i.e. I have a comfortable bed, A/C, a heater, clothes, a car, good food, etc.), I am spiritually uncomfortable here. I am most passionate and in my "element" in third world countries. A class room just doesn't feel right to me. But, if He has called me here I have to remind myself that I denied myself a long time ago, it doesn't matter what I want. And as crazy as this sounds, I am the most uncomfortable in Birmingham, AL. Maybe its what He wants...

Today I woke up wanting to cry. I want to be in Haiti. My heart literally hurts. I don't want to be here. But, as I spent some time seeking Him this is what I heard...

I know your desires.

I know your heart.

I know your passions.

I know what you are good at.

I know what I am doing.

TRUST me.

And so, I cannot doubt Him. He holds my life in His hands. I have no reason to fear. He knows my concerns. It is all in His hands. He keeps me. He holds me. He loves me. And He fights for me. Yes, in allowing me to go to Haiti He has confirmed my love even more for the world, but I have to trust Him. I am clinging to Him, its all I can do.

Haiti

The past couple of days have been filled with serving and ministering. I cannot even begin to express my love for Haiti. Along with a lot of painting, we have been given some really cool opportunities. Yesterday we were able to go into a village/slum area located about 10 minutes away from the compound. The people there expressed feeling forgotten. Since the earthquake no one has come to help them. It was mind-blowing to see the once prominent church in the slum be nothing but pilings. We passed water out to families. They were desperate for water. Clean water. I wish so badly we could have supplied them with more. But just letting them know that they have NOT been forgotten was awesome. After passing out the water we were able to pray over everyone and hang out with them. I know I keep saying this but, they are BEAUTIFUL people. They are filled with hope. Filled with JOY.

Yesterday we drove into Port Au Prince (about 15 minutes from the compound) to go to the grocery. This was the first glimpse of TOTAL disaster we have seen. It was unbelievable. To see 7-story buildings completely flattened. To know that people/bodies were/are still in there. Most of the buildings have not been touched since January 12th. People are still scared. They live in fear that another one can happen at any moment. If they even still have a home, they are too scared to sleep inside. There are tents EVERYWHERE. Hundreds of tent cities. I can't help but look at the faces of these people and wonder how badly they are hurting. How many loved ones have they lost? The news channels were NOT exaggerating the situation. This country has literally been destroyed. Our translator (who is AWESOME) said that the country of Haiti is having to begin a new life. Life before the earthquake was by NO MEANS easy, good, or luxurious...BUT there homes were not tents.

You know what is SO cool though?

They do not feel sorry for themselves. Life goes on. They are not angry. They do not complain. They are not bitter. Rather, they are thankful. Thankful for life. Thankful that God has saved them. It is faith and perseverance that I have never seen.

I am blown away.

This morning the 5 of us were able to go to the medical clinic and pray for people. We must have laid hands on over 50 people. A young man accepted Jesus for the first time! SO cool. He came to us and told us that he hears voices in his head telling him to do bad things. He didn't want that anymore. He wanted Jesus. Praise the Lord.

This little community of people staying at the compound is SO cool. Last night all 20 of us shared how God brought us to Haiti. His provision and plan over each individuals life is such a beautiful thing. As I sit here writing this we are sitting on the rooftop under the stars, guitar playing, singing, laughter, and deep convos. I LOVE life.

I am still so thankful to be here. Humbled He chooses me. Learning to walk in the power of His Spirit. I am not going to want to leave. I am SO happy. Don't get me wrong, its HOT and it's uncomfortable. But, I kind of want to live here. Seriously. I am falling in love with Haiti.

haiti day 1

Some scattered thoughts...

Day 1 in Haiti has been so great. I love it here. HOM (Haiti Outreach Mission) is great. Two guys right around our age are the ones leading us this week. We're pretty excited for new friends. We are staying in a compound and to be honest, it's pretty dang nice (for a 3rd world country of course). The compound serves as a school and a church. School hasn't been in session since the earthquake (government decree). The 2 dinners, cooked by a local Haitian have been SO good. Just finished a healthy portion of goat... We eat on the rooftop. Sunsets are awesome. I will say it's extremely HOT.

Today began with church at 6 AM. Three hours of LEGIT worship. Worship here is a constant thing. From the moment we have arrived we have been surrounded with constant singing, rejoicing, and worshiping. It is BEAUTIFUL. They are happy. They are JOYFUL. They are filled with hope. They are passionate. It seems to be a major misunderstanding that this country is filled with darkness and voodoo. I know we haven't been here long and we haven't seen a lot but from what I gain this place has HOPE. There is a sense of longing for the Lord. I love the culture.

This week will be tiring. From one afternoon of constant work (sanding and painting) we're all pretty exhausted. But I love it and we are happy to do it. We're all still feeling very expectant. I love this lifestyle. I love third world countries. The community here is really cool as well. They are several other small teams doing either medical missions or construction. All different ages. We eat meals together and have devotion together. Cool to be around people from all over, all different ages, and different life experiences. To sit around and here stories from WISE people is cool.

I'll stop now. There is obviously internet connection so I will try and blog some more this week. Prayers are appreciated. And for anyone wondering.... we all feel very safe here.

come Lord Jesus...

The 5 of us are in Atlanta. This is crazy. I mean God is seriously about to rock this. The moment we all arrived tonight I could feel the Holy Spirit. He has appointed us, called us by name. There are only 5. But, this is right. It feels complete. We were able to spend a couple hours hearing from God together. And no words can explain the excitement that is within us. The EXPECTANCY is great. We are expecting big things, but NOT for our glory. We know and believe that His power is real and with this attitude we are going down there. There is NOTHING I can do. But HE who is in me will do it ALL. We are His vessels. His hands and feet. I can feel the desparity in the 5 of us. Hunger. Deep hunger. For HIS will only. His glory only. His face ONLY. I am consumed and I want to be more consumed.

As we go to Haiti we all feel like we will be in the midst of spiritual warfare. Darkness. We will hit a rough place. But He is greater. He is light. We feel like the Holy Spirit is about to do something huge. Miracles. Healings. Dreams. Visions. We don't know. But, God is going to "pour out His Spirit" (Acts 2:17). Please be praying for us. For complete dependency on Him. For safety. For guidance. For more love. More wisdom. For HIS GLORY TO BE MADE KNOWN.

Brandy may have done a better job at capturing this beautiful night... http://branbren.blogspot.com/

me?

Today I could cry. Not because of anything bad though. But because I am overwhelmed by the fact that He chooses ME. ME?! I am nothing. Yet, only because I have said "yes," He allows me to be part of something GREAT. His plan. His glory. I am humbled. I am in awe. I am in love.

I wish I had time to write more, but I am slightly stressed with school. Leaving for Haiti early Saturday morning. Expectant. Ready. Willing. Those 3 words will describe how I am feeling. Please be praying for preparations. Preparations of hearts, details, etc. Trusting Him in it all. Gah, I am honored He chooses me.