more power.

Anxiety, doubt, and discontentment are the words that defined my feelings last week. But after a weekend with some of my favorite YWAMer's in Grand Rapids, MI, I am feeling much more peace. As much as I don't want to admit this, as much as I fight this... God has called me here. I think it's good to question and feel "uncomfortable." It's good to "check" myself. To make sure I am in His will and being obedient to Him. At the same time I have to be careful in not fully trusting Him. There is a fine line between the two. Doubt and anxiety are implications of distrust. Gosh, I can't even count how many times He has proved to me that He is trustworthy. I can trust Him with my WHOLE heart. But how many times do I doubt Him? SO, all of this to say I am continuing to trust His plan for me. I know that if this isn't where He wants me another opportunity would arise. Oh how I wish that opportunity would come but until then, I am here, doing the best I can in school, pushing through. I am just happy to have a little bit of peace back in my life...

Moving on...

Ephesians 3:16-19 says...

"I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you WITH POWER through his SPIRIT in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have POWER, together with all the saints to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpassed knowledge--that you may be FILLED to the measure of ALL THE FULLNESS OF GOD...

NOW TO HIM WHO IS ABLE TO DO IMMEASURABLY MORE THAT ALL WE CAN ASK OR IMAGINE, ACCORDING TO HIS POWER THAT IS AT WORK WITHIN US..."

I cannot count the number of times I have read these verses over the course of my life. But for some reason, I have been clearly directed to these few verses for the past few weeks. Yeah, these are some GOOD verses, but they've never really clicked until recently. Let me share...

This past year I have fallen in love with Jesus all over again. I am in love with Him. And to me, that's the most important thing. Everything else stems from loving Him. But recently what I have been desperate for is His power. And I have almost gotten frusrated in thinking that I haven't seen it. If He's so powerful I want to see miracles! I want people to be healed! But He has gently reminded me that I HAVE experienced His power. His power is EVERYWHERE. It can be SO easily overlooked. Who am I to doubt His power when I have seen it SO many times? Here are a few illustrations of His power that He has allowed me to see with my own eyes:

Leading 5 people to salvation last week in Haiti. A person turning to Christ is a MIRACLE.

Having joy after everything around you has crumbled from an earthquake.

Sharing the gospel with beautiful Cambodians that had never heard the name of Jesus.

Thai girls breaking free from a life of prostitution.

The gorgeous landscape of New Zealand.

The healing of one of best friend's heart.

Hope of the children/orphans living in Bethany Village.

Breaking the cylce of poverty in Indonesian children.

I could go on and on but these are BEAUTIFUL pictures of power.

Yes, I want to see MORE. And as I seek and ask for more of this I hope I do not come across as greedy or don't doubt or overlook the power He has already shown me. I want Him to use me more powerfully. I want His power. I want to know Him in new ways. And as Ephesians says, with this power I will be able to grasp Him and His love in greater ways. I want to know Him more deeply. I want to be completely filled with Him. I am reminded in verse 20 that He is able to do way more than I can even fathom. I can't even imagine what He is going to do. He will make Himself more famous, through me. He will get the glory He deserves, through me. In believing all of these things my prayer is this...

Lord, REIGN in my life. Reign in this world. Control every inch of me. Consume every once of me. Show me your power in new ways. More love. More power. More of You in my life. Amen.