love love love

The topic of study this week has been "The Character and Nature of God."  In the lectures the speaker has been teaching a lot of theology so I feel like I have gained a lot of knowledge.  But in my own time I feel like I have had many revelations this week.  I am falling more and more in love with Him everyday.  Being here really makes me never want to live for myself again.

When you are truly in love you, you will do anything to be with the one you love and when you are apart from each other, its miserable.  That person is all you think about.  Thats how our relationship with God should be.  BUT, you also can't force yourself to love someone.  This is what I am learning.  There have been seasons of my life where truly loving God can seem like so much work.  It can feel like an obligation.  Sounds terrible because we all know how much He love us.  SO, what do I do when this is my attitude?  

I am learning to LET Him change me.  Not "try harder" to love Him, but just to LET Him love me.  God has to move in our lives in order for geniune love for Him to grow.  My prayers for more love will result in love.  As simple as this sounds it has been such a freeing concept.  I am still grasping it but I am falling deeply in love with Him everyday.  Instead of chasing after all the "gifts/characteristics" of God I must first be SO IN LOVE with Him.  After that, everything else just naturally comes.

This has been my prayer:

"Jesus, I need to give myself up.  I am not strong enough to love You and walk with You on my own.  I can't do it, and I need You.  I need You deeply and desperately.  I believe You are worth it, that You are better than anything else I could have in this life or the next.  I want You.  And when I don't,  I want to want You.  Be all in me.  Take all of me.  Have Your way with me." 

(from Francis Chan's book "Crazy Love")